12 slaps for Christmas
by SA3466996
Summary: Abby gets festive, the team back her up... Gibbs gets wound up. Poor Tony! A song... a slap... and a slice of silliness! NCIS characters belong to Bellisario, CBS and Paramount.
1. Preparation

**12 slaps for Christmas**

Summary: Abby gets festive, the team back her up... Gibbs gets wound up. Poor Tony! A song... a slap... and a slice of silliness! NCIS characters belong to Bellisario, CBS and Paramount.

A/N – I'm continuing my obsession with head slaps. Probably set around the Christmas period in Season 5 (for obvious reasons). No real spoilers... just a brief nod to Requiem. I've learned my lesson... for now... (SA346' cackles)... and... I've managed to write it without breaking rule #1... SA346's rules of course.

This is not my usual type of story... if I have a type?! I can't really see Gibbs allowing this to carry on for so long and I've exaggerated (slightly) some of the mannerisms of the characters... oh and beware of the 'cheese'. So it's just a bit of fun... a one-off... just for the festive period... honest boss... won't happen again... Sir!

**---------**

**12 slaps for Christmas**

**Chapter 1 - Preparation**

Gibbs stared at his gift... a small black box tied up with pink ribbon which had something on it... what were they... those tiny little black things that he could hardly see... skulls. He sighed. _Only Abby!_

He glanced at Ziva who was monitoring her gift with suspicion. She looked tense. Another black box pristinely wrapped and tied with the familiar pink ribbon. She had placed the box on her desk and was now surveying the corners... the lid and finally, the sides. He watched as she held her breath and very carefully lifted the box, looked underneath and then replaced the box on her desk. She visibly relaxed.

His gaze wandered to DiNozzo, perched on the front of his desk. Tony was rattling the little square box, lifting it to his ear and then rattling it again. He was trying to pull the pink ribbon back over the corners in order to open his gift. He was failing miserably.

Gibbs turned his head... to find Abby hugging Tim. His gift clutched in the hands that she currently had wrapped around him. The warmth she radiated was infectious and he allowed himself a brief smile.

He would give them a few minutes.

The team... his team... had done good. They'd all earned their pay cheques this week. In fact they'd worked them by mid Wednesday. They'd finally nailed the 'son of a b' earlier that day, he was in custody... going nowhere... apart from an eight year stretch in Leavenworth and they were at the report writing stage now.

"Arrgh! C'mon you..."

"Tony!" Abby shrieked, "You're not allowed to open it until Christmas day"

"What... Christmas day!" he cried, shaking his head, "I don't think I'm gonna be able to last that long Abs"

He grinned, rattled the box close to his ear and then began to try and pull the ribbon off over the corners.

"Tony!"

Abby flew at him and they grappled for a moment until he held the little black box aloft and she pummelled him in the chest.

"Knock it off, DiNozzo!"

There was no mistaking where the stern command had come from.

He stopped struggling and looked apologetically at Abby before turning to face Gibbs with his best 'butter wouldn't melt' expression. "Boss... c'mon... we're... "

"Still on the clock, DiNozzo"

Curt... and it hurt. _Nice one Gibbs... real nice._

Tony locked his jaw and turned back towards his desk. Under his breath and through clenched teeth, he muttered just for Abby, "Where's his sense of fun?"

"Don't answer that", he whispered, cocking his head briefly to one side.

Abby smirked at him from beneath her darkened eyes. He loved that look. It was a look that inspired mischief, recklessness and rebellion. She brought out the worst in him... and the best. Abby pirouetted 180 degrees on her platforms and a wave of horror punched at his gut. _What was she up to?_

"Oh but Gi--bbs", Abby protested, "I had a great idea to get everyone in the festive mood"

"Not _in _the festive mood Abs"

Abby pirouetted the remaining 180 degrees to face Tony again and then she winked. He had no idea where she was going with this but he was up for it ... especially after the week they'd had. The team needed some light relief... a little festive cheer... and so what if they were still _on_ the clock... what about the times the past week that they'd worked _on_ the clock... _off_ the clock... _around_ the clock... and _through_ the clock... to hell with it... he'd face the consequences later.

"We should have a festive sing song". Abby's voice chorused the corners of NCIS headquarters, Washington D.C.

Heads popped up from behind desks scattered around the squad room. Agents, passing through on their way to MTAC stopped dead in their tracks. Even the elevator shuddered to a halt... 'pong'... something was wrong with its 'ping'.

Gibbs looked horrified. Ziva snorted. Tim smirked. Tony grinned.

"Abby..." Gibbs sighed.

"Yeah... the twelve days of Christmas", Tony interrupted. He could see the glare from out of the corner of his eye and tried to ignore it. "You know the one". He cleared his throat... noting the nod of affirmation from Abby... and began.

"_On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me.._."

"Wait... we could make this more interesting", Abby chirped ignoring the stare from Gibbs... and Tony.

"Abs... you interrupted me mid..."

"Let's make it up ourselves... no one can ever remember the order of those things anyway and..." she giggled, a wicked look shone in her dark eyes, "let's make Gibbs give us the gifts instead. We could use... _on the first day of Christmas the boss man gave to me..._"

McGee hastily interjected, "Uh, Abby I don't think Gibbs..."

"Probie!"

Tony raised his voice ever so slightly and took a couple of paces towards McGee's desk. He just about avoided the blistering stare from Gibbs, although he couldn't escape feeling the intense rays from two blue eyes scorching the back of his head as he launched into a slow, exaggerated, statesman-like speech, "Do you not think... McGee... that maybe Abby... by making the _boss man_ give us gifts..."

"In the carol Tony", Abby helpfully clarified from beside him.

"Quite right. Thank you Abby... I'll take it from here". Tony made a point of clearing his throat again.

"That... by making the boss give us gifts... in the carol..." He shot a glance at Abby who was brimming with positivity. "That Abby... is... in fact... giving Gibbs her own gift? Maa-Gee".

Tony was in his element now. Nothing was going to stop him.

"A gift of warmth... admiration... and respect. And, Maa-Gee... you cannot buy this gift in any store... you cannot order this gift on-line... and... you cannot sell it on eBay after Christmas... Maa-Geek".

Abby gasped in horror. "Timothy McGee... tell me you didn't!"

"I didn't Abby, I promise... he's lying"

Tony raised his hands in desperation. "Hey... McAbby... guys... in the middle here..."

Abby and McGee fell into silence. Gibbs was deathly quiet... probably just going to give him enough rope with which he could hang himself.

"As I was saying... this is a gift that has no monetary value... it comes from here", he said turning, beginning to point towards Abby's chest. He stopped, cleared his throat, turned back and thumped a fist on his own chest. "Here", he coughed.

The speech wasn't over yet.

"Are you denying Abby... the boss's favourite... favourite forensic specialist... the boss's 'only' forensic specialist... the opportunity to show him...", Tony threw a hand in Gibbs's direction but didn't look, "the boss... Gibbs... to show us... to show herself... how much she admires and respects... the man... she calls... 'Boss man'?"

Abby jumped up and down giving Tony little claps and he turned to mouth a 'thanks'.

"No, Tony... I'm not..." McGee rolled his eyes and gave up.

He... was done... literally. There'd be no coming back from this now. Might as well go all out.

"Okay then... I'll start. _On the first day of Christmas the boss man gave to me...a..."_

TBC...

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A/N - 0 down, 12 to go.

"_C'mon SA3466996... you've worked with him for ages. What do you get him for Christmas? What does the boss need?" McColleague asked._

"_A sense of humour", SA3466996 absently replied, concentrating hard on the game of Tetris he was playing on the brand new cell._

_McColleague let out a loud cough as the boss strode into the office and surveyed the scene._

_SA3466996 could barely contain the irritation in his voice. "What now McColleague... you wanna know what 'he' gives me each year for Christmas?"_

_McColleague winced at the resounding crack made by the boss's uncompromising hand connecting sharply with the back of SA3466996's head._

"_Thought you'd want it early this year", the boss seethed "But don't worry SA3'... if you don't like it you can always exchange it..." he said, trapping SA3466996's eyes in his own, "for a pink slip"._


	2. Gibbs goes first

A/N - Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing... you are wonderful! - SA346'

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**12 slaps for Christmas**

**Chapter 2 – "Gibbs goes first"**

"Wait", Abby almost yelled, her hands waving at Tony to stop.

Tony closed his open mouth, sighed and let his head drop so that his eyes were looking at his feet, resigned to the fact that this might take a while.

"Gibbs should go first...he's the one giving the gifts"

"She is right" Ziva informed him, "If we are to receive gifts from... boss man?... then it is only correct that Gibbs should be first"

He was getting impatient. "Alright, alright... I get it... Gibbs goes first"

"Yey!" Abby squealed. "Gibbs... Gibbs... Gibbs", she chanted.

Tony turned to face the feared one. "Okay then boss... what have you got for me?"

"A slap if you don't stop annoying me... Tony"

He was quite hurt by that remark. He was only trying to lighten the mood after a tense week at work. Gibbs's expression was hard, cold and uncompromising. But had he not said to himself, just a few minutes ago, that he'd face the consequences later. He just thought the 'consequences' might have to be faced a little later than a few minutes later. They could have at least got some fun in before his date with 'consequences'. _Anthony D. DiNozzo... you don't know when to stop. _He was trying desperately to outstare the glare that Gibbs was giving him now. He was wavering... definitely not winning... _just got to... keep going... a... lit-tle... lon-ger..._

Abby giggled uncontrollably, breaking the death stare concentration between Master and pupil.

_Thank you _Tony sighed, silently praising the Fairy Gothmother.

"What is it Abs?" Tony asked.

"It fits", she grinned. "It fits". Abby pirouetted a full 360 degrees on her platforms, her pigtails flying out at right angles to her head and catching Tony's face during the revolution.

"Abby!" Tony rubbed his nose, "What is this... pantomime?"

"Kinda", she said, a grin spreading across her face. "I don't think you're gonna like this Tony". And with a wicked glint in her eye she began to chant, "_On the first day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_".

Ziva and McGee exploded in fits of snorts and laughter.

"Ah... very funny Abs... back to work Probie!"

"No... DiNozzo..." Gibbs said very slowly and deliberately whilst rising from his chair, "I think we should continue".

"Nah boss... it's fine... we're... on the clock... and we've got all tomorrow to be festive"

Gibbs raised himself to his full height and openly smirked. "I'm feeling festive _now_... DiNozzo. Abby, why don't you start again... from the top!".

Abby nodded.

"And Abs..." Gibbs trained his eyes on Tony, "do the honours"

Tony's expression fell and he swallowed hard.

"You got it boss man". Abby grinned at Tony and put on the best singing voice she could muster. "_On the first day of Christmas the boss man gave to me..._"

"_A slap for acting not unlike Tony_", Abby, Ziva and McGee chorused.

Smack.

Tony winced and smiled a fake smile. "Thank you Abby. Who's up next boss...?" he asked, smoothing the hair at the back of his head. "Please tell me it's McGee... he could do with a good..."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Ziva?"

"Nope"

"Not Abby... you wouldn't?"

Gibbs shook his head.

The realisation dawned and he swallowed hard. You were supposed to have fun and then suffer the consequences... not everyone else have fun while you suffered the consequences. He sighed. This was going to be a long and painful bit of 'fun'.

"Okay... I get it", he said, "who wants to _go_ next?"

"I will go next"

Ziva stood close... too close... in front of him. He could feel her breath caressing his face. Then she opened her mouth to sing.

"_On the second day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... two cups of coffee..."_

"And a _slap for acting not unlike Tony_", Ziva, Abby and McGee chorused.

Whack.

He didn't feel the slap. He was mesmerised by the beautiful sound he had just heard. Where did she learn to sing like that?

"Me... me... me", Abby grabbed his arm, metaphorically slapping him back to the squad room. "I wanna go next... please".

Abby's cup was overflowing with excitement. She was enjoying herself a little too much.

"Go on then", Tony urged. He couldn't disappoint Abby.

"_On the third day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... three Caf-Pows..."_

"_Two cups of coffee... and a slap for acting not unlike Tony_" Abby, Ziva, and McGee chorused.

Smack.

"Sorry Tony". Abby looked at him sheepishly.

"S'okay Abs", Tony smiled, he wasn't going to like this next one. But he supposed it would be good for him... for both of them really. "Probie... you're up next".

McGee leaned back in his chair, the internal struggle to locate appropriate meaningful words for the song apparent for all to see. Slowly the troubled expression on his face faded to be replaced with a growing smile. Tony felt the apprehension inside himself grow as McGee rose and paced towards him.

"Tony", McGee said simply. He was squaring his shoulders with confidence... looking him in the eye... there was a hint of smugness in those eyes.

"McGee", Tony responded.

McGee spoke slowly, enunciating each word with precision. "Four... copies... of... 'Deep... Six'".

Tony hissed and let his gaze drift down and to the left. McGee had laid it out for him... he had to give him credit for that one... he'd ribbed Tim often enough about it. He shook his head slightly and then brought his gaze back to McGee and nodded. "Good one Tim".

He watched as McGee turned to the others. Ziva was hiding her laughter with a hand at her face. Abby was grinning wickedly.

McGee began, "_On the fourth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... four copies of 'Deep Six'..."_

"_Three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", McGee, Abby and Ziva chorused.

Slap.

It hadn't been as hard as he'd expected. Perhaps he should start to use Gibbs's first name more often as well... perhaps not.

"Thanks Elf-Lord", he grinned.

He knew who was up next. He waited.

TBC...

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A/N – 4 down, 8 to go.

_McColleague eyed the forlorn SA3466996 as he studied the mangled remains of the brand new cell in the trash can. McColleague had wanted to get a new cell like that for ages. SA3466996 had only bought it to spite him. 'Serves him right'. McColleague watched as SA3466996 picked several pieces of the mangled cell out of the trash can and placed them on his desk. He started trying to piece them together. 'Aw hell SA3', McColleague thought._

"_You okay?" he asked sympathetically._

"_He doesn't understand. I mean... I was about to beat my highest score... you know... you just... you don't... it's Tetris"_

"_I know SA3'... I know..." McColleague feigned sympathy and dropped his gaze back to the papers on his desk, "...like the boss's hand and your head"_

"_Come again?" _

_McColleague caught the puzzled look on SA3466996's face and grinned. _

"_Never... ever... come between them!"_


	3. Having fun

A/N - Thanks again for reading and reviewing. This was going to be 4 chapters but I've added an extra one. Will post everything before 25th Dec... I promise!

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**12 slaps for Christmas**

**Chapter 3 – Having fun**

It was Abby who spoke first.

"Boss man?"

Tony looked at his boss. Gibbs was sitting now... the earlier alpha male power display having achieved its desired effect.

"That's enough festivity Abby"

"Gibbs... you can't stop now...", she pleaded. "We're almost half way through... Tony needs a gift from you".

"Yeah, come on boss... you wanted this earlier... don't you want to give me a gift". He knew he was baiting Gibbs and he knew what would happen, but they needed this... all of them.

Abby giggled.

"Abby, the only gift Tony will be getting from me... if he doesn't _shut up_ ..." Gibbs shot a warning in his direction, "is a new assignment... one involving a lengthy period working down in records... silently".

"That doesn't work boss". He ignored the warning and braced himself, "Too many words... and it's a long one... you know... _five... go-old... rings_"

The hardened stare gripped him for a brief moment before he managed to speak.

"Thank you boss!" He turned to the others and smiled, "I know what number five is". He began to sing.

"_On the fifth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me...five d-e-ath stares..." _

"_Four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", Tony, McGee, Abby and Ziva chorused.

No one slapped him. He looked around. Gibbs wasn't behind him. Gibbs was sat at his desk. Gibbs was watching him... staring at him... waiting for him... he knew what he had to do. Resigned, and with a deep sigh, he slapped the back of his own head.

Smack.

He winced. Gibbs nodded in appreciation. Tony saw the tiny smirk appear at the corner of Gibbs's mouth and the warmth return in his blue eyes. He'd got the permission he needed to continue.

"Next"

"Could a lone Medical Examiner join in your little soiree", Ducky entered the squad room. He was closely followed by Palmer who carried several large bags brimming with gifts.

"Ducky", Abby squealed.

"What you got for me Duck?"

"Jethro... you really are very impatient. You will have to wait until..."

"The case Duck"

"Nothing new Jethro... just the gifts I'm..."

Gibbs smirked. "Got one for DiNozzo?"

Ziva snorted and Abby collapsed in a fit of giggles. McGee filled Ducky and Palmer in.

"Oh... that's not nice", Ducky exclaimed, "My dear boy... what are they doing to you?"

"He doesn't mind... do you DiNozzo"

"No boss", Tony replied, rubbing the back of his head in a vain attempt to elicit more sympathy from Ducky, "Don't mind at all".

The truth was, he didn't mind. He was enjoying the attention but even better than that... he was... and they were... having fun.

"So, Ducky, what gift do you want Gibbs to give you for Christmas?" Abby asked.

"My dear Abigail, Jethro is not really a Christmas gift giving person"

"You don't give Ducky gifts?!" Abby shrieked, "Tony I can understand. He's been naughty..."

Tony stood open-mouthed in amazement. McGee grinned.

"...but Ducky... he's never... you two... you've... you've been friends... like... forever"

"Abigail, I did not say that Jethro does not give me gifts. In fact he usually gives me lots of gifts throughout the year"

"Oh... that's so sweet". Abby skipped over to behind Gibbs's chair, flung her arms around the seated boss man's shoulders and squeezed, "I knew you could never be Mr Scrooge".

"Abby!" Gibbs said exasperatedly.

"What does he usually give you Ducky?" Ziva asked.

Ducky thought for a moment and then answered, "Well usually, my dear, it's a dead body... sometimes a leg... occasionally a head".

Gibbs sniggered and Abby broke off the squeeze to slap him on his left arm. Gibbs flinched and looked at her.

"Santa won't visit when you've been naughty" she said, wagging a finger at him.

Ziva erupted into fits of laughter. McGee openly chuckled and Tony wiped the smile off his face when he caught sight of the stare Gibbs was giving him.

"Six... dead... bodies... DiNozzo"

"Gotcha boss"

Abby made her way towards Tony and, standing shoulder to pigtail, they began to sing... one by one the others joined in... all except Gibbs.

"_On the sixth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me...six dead bodies...five d-e-ath stares...four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", they all chorused.

"Abigail... I can't reach... would you mind terribly if I asked you to..."

"My pleasure Ducky"

Smack.

"Oumph" Tony cried, hunching his shoulders.

_Hey... that had been hard._ He opened his mouth about to protest when he caught sight of the smirk from beneath Abby's darkened eyes. It was that same look he'd seen a short while ago. It was the look that had inspired the mischief in him earlier. It was the look that now told him you'd wanted this, you'd known the consequences... live with it. He closed his mouth and paralleled her smirk, "Thanks Abs".

"Jimmy next", she said grinning wildly.

He suddenly realised... this was payback for when he'd teased her earlier. _Sneaky little..._

"No... please... not me...", Palmer pleaded, "Doctor Mallard... I don't... I don't feel well... may I..."

"What's wrong now Mr Palmer... upset stomach again" Ducky sighed. "Your stomach..." he stopped mid sentence... an impish grin began to form on his face. He cleared his throat and began. "_On the seventh day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... seven upset stomachs..."_

"S_ix dead bodies... five d-e-ath stares... four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", they all chorused.

Everyone stared at Palmer.

Palmer looked at Tony.

Tony stared at Palmer.

Palmer looked at Gibbs.

Gibbs glared at Palmer.

Palmer didn't know what to do.

"Oh for Paul's sake. I'll do it"

Whack.

"Oumph"

"It's Pete!" Tony said through gritted teeth, "For Pete's sake... Ziva"

Ziva turned, threatening Tony with another slap.

He backed off. "Whose turn is it next?" Tony said, screwing his eyes tight and vigorously rubbing the back of his head.

"I believe it is mine... Tony", the sly pout oozed as she looked him up and down... her body language informing him that he was _not_ going to enjoy this as much as she was.

"SIG-Sauer..." Ziva barked. "It was one of the first things Gibbs gave to me when I joined NCIS. It is okay... for the song?"

They all woofed at once. "Sure". "No problem Ziva". "Fits like a dream".

"_On the eighth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... eight SIG-Sauers... seven upset stomachs... six dead bodies... five d-e-ath stares... four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", they all chorused.

He braced himself... praying he wouldn't flinch in front of her.

TBC...

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A/N – 8 down, 4 to go. Hope you're liking it so far...

_McColleague was feeling sorry for SA3466996. He knew SA3' could be annoying, he never knew when to stop and he always seemed to be putting his foot in it... but the boss had been unusually forthcoming with head slaps in the run up to Christmas and to top it off, the boss had just smashed his new cell to pieces. SA3466996 was unusually quiet... that was never good... and McColleague felt guilty. He tried to lighten the mood in the office._

"_So... SA3', you done all your Christmas shopping?"_

"_Nope", SA3466996 clipped._

"_Much more to do?" McColleague pressed._

"_Nope"_

_McColleague ignored the second clipped response and pushed further. "Who's left on your list?" _

_He saw the look of smouldering anger on SA3466996's face and decided to back off. Too late._

"_Well", SA3466996 looked up and over to McColleague, "there's just one... I've already got him a gift but I really need to get him another one"_

"_Two gifts... I'm sure one will be fine SA3'... I mean... who 'wouldn't' say no to two gifts... I wouldn't... but then I'd also be really pleased to get just one"_

"_Really?" SA3466996 asked, the anger dissolving, "You'd be happy with just one?"_

"_Sure"_

"_That's great McColleague... thanks"_

_McColleague watched as SA3466996 visibly relaxed and then picked up the pieces of mangled cell from his desk, walked over to McColleague and handed them to him. _

"_Merry Christmas, McColleague"_

_McColleague stared open mouthed as SA3466996 grinned and patted his shoulder._


	4. Tim vs Tony

A/N - Thanks, again, everyone for reading and reviewing... I've been having great fun with this!

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**12 slaps for Christmas**

**Chapter 4 – Tim vs Tony**

Whack.

Like McGee's slap, it hadn't been as hard as expected and... as he lifted his gaze to meet her eyes he saw that they shone... they radiated warmth and concern and he was reminded of the beautiful, sensual voice that matched them. He found himself lost... entwined in the curls of her hair...

McGee nudged Abby.

"Me next... what are we on?"

"Nine!" Ziva, McGee, Ducky, Gibbs... and Palmer chorused.

Ziva's hair straightened and Tony slid back from deep thought into shallow humour. "Months without a head slap?" he ventured optimistically.

"Never going to happen, DiNozzo!"

"Hmm... worth a try boss", Tony responded, spying the sly grin that Gibbs now sported. "C'mon Abs... don't keep us in suspense. What has the boss man got you for Christmas?"

"Mass Spectrometer", she stated, "nine of them... so I can have results for you like..."Abby clicked her fingers, "that".

"I don't think Gibbs earns that much Abs... how much does a Mass Spectrometer cost anyway?"

"A lot DiNozzo", Gibbs replied gruffly.

"Ah..." He knew he was pushing it, "so _that's_ why we've been doing all this overtime then".

"Keep this up DiNozzo and I'll be asking for an encore"

Gibbs's voice was low and controlled but the eyes told a different story as they flashed, briefly, from hardened 'don't even think about it' glare to an appreciative 'good job' stare and then back to hardened glare.

It was a duet. They hadn't batted back and forth like this for a while. Not since... well not since that day he'd almost lost Gibbs... and Maddie. Tony liked it. It felt comfortable... reassuring... balanced... like master accepting student... boss accepting senior field agent... senior field agent always accepting boss. To the rest of the team, it would appear he'd been suitably chastised... but he knew different.

"Abby", McGee poked her arm.

"Ow! McGee!" Abby rubbed her arm and began walking towards Tony. "Okay... okay... _On the ninth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... nine mass spectrometers..."_

"_Eight SIG-Sauers... seven upset stomachs... six dead bodies... five d-e-ath stares... four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", they all chorused.

Smack.

They laughed. He winced and then grinned at the rest of the team. They were still laughing. He was amongst friends. He was actually enjoying this. He missed this at Christmas. He dropped his gaze and the grin fell from his face.

Christmas was a time for family. He had a family and yet he was always alone. It felt like these people... his colleagues... his friends... it felt like they should be his family although he wasn't sure what a family was supposed to feel like... it had been so long. He suddenly felt oddly exposed and he lifted his gaze to find six pairs of eyes staring back at him. He saw the warmth and affection in each and a smile returned to his face. "Okay... nine days down, three to go", he clapped his hands, "Who's next? Probie, you haven't had a go for a while".

"Okay Tony, just let me think a minute"

"No problem... I'm happy to wait", Tony rubbed his head again, "by the way McGee, you've got 10"

"Uh... Tony"

"What... what's up?"

McGee looked at Tony with wide eyes and an infectious, friendly smile. "Don't need to wait anymore, Tony". McGee began to sing, _"On the tenth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... ten minutes to trace a hacker..."_

"_Nine mass spectrometers... eight SIG-Sauers... seven upset stomachs... six dead bodies... five d-e-ath stares... four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_", they all chorused... including Tony.

"Sorry Tony"

"Prego", Tony screwed his eyes tight in anticipation of the slap. When nothing came he gingerly opened one eye, "well... what are you waiting for Probie?"

"I don't want to... you know..."

He opened the other eye.

"Aww..." Abby held her head on one side, "tiny Tim doesn't want to slap big bad Tony".

Ducky patted McGee's back. "Very commendable young Timothy".

"Yeah... that's nice McGee"

Slap.

"Only kidding Tony"

Ziva snorted and they all laughed. Gibbs, who had been watching the proceedings with some amusement, chuckled and a broad smile broke through the 'accept no nonsense' expression he more commonly wore.

"Very funny McGee", Tony hissed.

"DiNozzo!"

The smile had gone and the tone was commanding. He wondered what he'd done this time.

"Gibbs?"

"What do you want me to give you for Christmas?"

A single memory popped into his head bringing with it warmth and an overwhelming feeling that one Anthony D. DiNozzo had done good... then, as quickly as it had appeared... it vanished.

He knew what he wanted but he doubted he'd get it. And he wasn't going to tell _them_ anyway.

"Oh I don't know", he shrugged, "S'pose a copy of the rule book would have been useful when I first joined... would have made the first couple of months a hell of a lot easier".

"It'd still be useful now, DiNozzo"

A growl but no malice.

Tony Smirked. "Good one Gibbs"

He thought for a moment. He had no idea what to say. He'd never been asked what he wanted before. Granted this was for a song... a carol... but he couldn't think of anything. Ziva approached and his heart fluttered.

"There must be something, Tony" she soothed.

"I... can't..."

"I don't believe it... Tony, stuck for words", McGee laughed but stopped when he saw the steely eyed glare from Gibbs.

"What do I usually give you DiNozzo?"

"Ahh... not going there boss!" Tony backed off, shaking a finger in his direction and then sliding his hand down the back of his head to cup the back of his neck.

"Come on DiNozzo", Gibbs smiled, "I could have gone for coffee... and pizza"

"Got it" he yelled triumphantly. He cleared his throat and began to sing, _"On the eleventh day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... eleven curt remarks..."_

They all joined in.

"_Ten minutes to trace a hacker... nine mass spectrometers... eight SIG-Sauers... seven upset stomachs... six dead bodies... five d-e-ath stares... four copies of 'Deep Six'... three Caf-Pows... two cups of coffee... and... a slap for acting not unlike Tony_".

Tony put on his best puppy dog eyes and whimpered. "Do I have to?"

"Yes!" they all barked, wagging their tails in anticipation.

Smack.

Tony angled his head to the left and screwed his eyes...once again, an unsuccessful attempt at eliciting sympathy from his colleagues.

"Okay DiNozzo", came the slow, determined, stern voice, "my turn"

TBC...

---------

A/N – Ooh... I'm scared for Tony...

Almost there now... so I added an extra bit... a small bite size chunk... but definitely hard 'cheddar'. And that meant I had to swap things around a bit... and... because of that I had to update you on the continuing adventures of 'SA3'', 'McColleague' and... 'the boss'. So here goes... a bit longer than expected...

_McColleague handed the neatly wrapped box to SA3466996. "Here you go SA3'", he grinned, flashing his brilliant white teeth._

"_Ah... thanks, McColgate", SA3466996 replied and shrugged his shoulders sheepishly. "Didn't think you'd... well... you know... what with... yesterday"_

"_Nah... you know me... never mad at you for very long SA3'. Go on... open it!" McColleague urged._

"_But it's not Christmas yet?"_

"_Since when has that stopped you?"_

"_True" said SA3466996 ripping the wrapping paper off._

_Click._

_McColleague pressed the button on his brand new camera phone just in time to snap the look of horror on SA3466996's face as he removed the lid, revealing the mangled pieces of the brand new cell 'he'd' given to McColleague for Christmas yesterday. _

_McColleague grinned and patted SA3466996 on the shoulder. _

_SA3466996 just stared at the pieces of mangled cell. Then he smiled and dug deep into his inside jacket pocket to withdraw a small gift. "It's not much..." he said nervously, "I didn't have a lot of time... sorry McColl"._

"_It'll be just fine SA3". McColleague accepted the gift and produced a small gift from his own pocket. "Here... your real one!"_

"_Thanks", SA3466996 replied, a pink tinge beginning to spread across his face, "so... wait until Christmas day?"_

"_Christmas day SA3', and not a second before..." the boss warned from the doorway. He jabbed a finger in McColleague's direction, "either of you"._

"_Yes boss", SA3466996 and McColleague chorused, wondering how much of their conversation the boss had actually heard... and... why they'd not heard 'him' earlier._

"_Now, not another word about Christmas..." the boss ordered, "we've got work to do!"_

"_Boss?" SA3466996 whined._

"_What?" _

"_Was that 'really' my gift yesterday?"_

"_SA3'... did you not 'hear' what I just said". The boss raised his voice, "Work!"_

"_But I didn't even mention Christ..."_

_Whack._

"_...mas"_

_McColleague grinned and shook his head. SA3466996 just didn't know when to stop._


	5. Consequences

A/N - You guys are great... I've had so much fun with the PMs... thanks for reading, reviewing and sparring! SA346'

---------

**12 slaps for Christmas**

**Chapter 5 – Consequences**

All heads turned to look at Gibbs. All heads except Tony's. Tony stared straight ahead.

"Tell me DiNozzo, whaddya think I should give myself? What should I get for Christmas?"

Tony thought for a moment. He could hardly tell him that what he thought he ought to get was an occasional attitude adjustment.

"Dunno boss", Tony replied, turning to look at Gibbs, "depends"

"On what?"

"On whether telling you might make a difference to how hard you're gonna slap me at the end of all of this", he said nervously.

Gibbs sighed. "You're wrong DiNozzo, it _will_ make a difference".

Tony waited. He watched as Gibbs looked him up and down... he watched as Gibbs looked at each of them in turn... and he listened as the next words Gibbs spoke pierced his core.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas the boss man gave to me... a fine team of special agents called DiNozzo... David... and... McGee".

Ziva looked astounded. McGee blushed and looked away and Tony smiled uncontrollably.

"He also gave to me..." Gibbs steely blue eyes urged them all to continue.

"_Eleven curt remarks... ten minutes to trace a hacker..." _Tony, Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky and Palmer chorused.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw Gibbs rise from his chair and start to walk around his desk towards him. _Oh crap!_ The uncontrollable smile he'd worn ten seconds ago slipped from his face to be replaced with an apprehensive grimace. Knowing what was coming next and having no way of getting out of it was a killer.

"_Nine mass spectrometers... eight SIG-Sauers..." _they chorused.

Tony refrained from singing, sensing all eyes on him. Gibbs was slowly advancing towards him, one step with each line. He swallowed hard.

"_Seven upset stomachs... six dead bodies"_

Gibbs had stopped. All eyes turned to Gibbs.

"_Five... d-e-ath... stares"_

Tony felt the sting as his own adrenalin-spiked green eyes were injected with a shot of Gibbs's own special brand of blue.

"_Four copies of Deep Six..." _Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky and Palmer chorused.

He would be dead in a minute. He felt the fear rising inside him.

"_Three Caf-Pows..." _

Gibbs was close now.

"_Two cups of coffee..."_

Gibbs stopped dead.

"Ya really think you'd get away with this, DiNozzo?"

Tony stared straight ahead. Every action had an equal and opposite reaction. It was time to face the 'consequences'. He didn't want to admit it, but as he felt the fear tighten a notch inside him, he realised that all the slaps the others had given him, all the slaps he'd given himself... they'd been for the team's amusement... Gibbs, Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Palmer... himself even. But this one... the one he was about to receive from the man who was stood nose to nose in front of him now... well this one... this was not for his amusement... this was for his actions... this was his 'consequence'.

Resigned and apologetic he dropped his gaze down and to the left and swallowed hard.

"Tony"

His gaze shot immediately back to face his mentor... _or should that be tormentor_. But the eyes that looked back were surprisingly calm and reassuring. Only then, did he realise that no one had sung the last line.

Gibbs smiled, his hand reaching for the back of Tony's head, "...and an 'Atta boy' for acting just like Tony".

The genuine warmth and affection he felt from that hand gently smoothing his ruffled hair was worth more than anything he could ever possibly own. It was simply priceless.

"Merry Christmas boss!" he called out as Gibbs turned and walked back towards his desk.

"Back to work, DiNozzo", Gibbs shot gruffly over his shoulder, "unless, you want me to do that last section again... with the _original_ ending".

"Work... boss... back to", Tony spluttered, a brief look of panic spreading across his face.

Ziva snorted. Abby giggled. McGee grinned. Ducky shook his head and Palmer hid.

Tony went back to his desk and sat down, the look of panic having morphed into a huge grin. He had a new memory now.

---------

After a few minutes, Gibbs looked around the squad room at the remaining cast. Ducky and Abby, having dished out their gifts, had gone back to their 'desks' and Palmer... well he had no idea where Palmer had got to. All his agents were deep in concentrated thought.

McGee's face inked a puzzled 'how do I write this?' look, Tony sported a determined 'get it done and it better have everything covered' look and Ziva spiked a look that would assassinate anyone who dared to break her concentration.

Gibbs smiled. He had to hand it to DiNozzo. When Abby had suggested that little pantomime earlier, he thought he might have had to break one of his golden rules... one he'd never told them... nor ever would. Tony had stepped in... put himself in the frame and saved her from the fate he generally reserved for his field agents.

It had been a good result.

They'd let off some of that pent up frustration, got it out of their systems and were now back to working as smart and as hard as they always did.

He shook his head and smiled. _Only DiNozzo!_ That man really did need a slap.

A slap on the back!

---------

He was almost done when something stopped him. It came from nowhere.

Someone was watching him.

His eyes shifted right and his head followed to catch Gibbs observing him from behind his monitor. He saw the corners of Gibbs mouth turn upwards in a brief smile.

Tony looked at Gibbs for a moment, pausing to read the blue eyes, and then mirrored his boss's smile. He nodded as he registered the _'You've got five, DiNozzo'_ look that had been in response to Tony's own _'It'll be on your desk in ten, boss'_ look, and then turned back to his monitor.

He loved this place. He loved working here. He loved everything about it. He loved the buzz of finally nailing a suspect in interrogation... the thrill of making a connection... the adrenaline rush as he chased and caught a suspect... the early morning starts... the late finishes... the all nighters... the 'hits' from Abby's gizmos in the lab... the 'hits' from his boss... his boss... the team... the people... his desk...

The people...

Gibbs... McGee... Ziva... Abby... Ducky... Jenny... Palmer...

Kate...

And Paula...

He thought for a moment.

It had taken him long enough to realise it... but this was his home... he was at home... and he never wanted to leave...

The End

---------

SA346's Rules

Rule #1 – Gibbs never slaps DiNozzo more than once in a single story.

A/N – 12! Yes there were 12 slaps. Not counting the pummelling, thumps, nudges or pokes. Hmm... attitude adjustment... I wonder where _that _came from?

You've probably guessed there was an alternative ending to this. But I went with this one. Maybe I'll write the alternative at a later date... maybe... I'll think about it...

_Resigned and apologetic SA3466996 dropped his gaze down and to the left and swallowed hard._

"_SA3466996, look at me"_

_His gaze shot immediately back to face his mentor... or was that tormentor... definitely tormentor. The boss's eyes pinned him fast. There was no way to get out of this. Only then did he realise that McColleague and the rest of the team were not singing. He registered the brief, wicked flash in his boss's eyes._

"_...and a slap for acting not unlike SA3'"_

_Smack. _

"_Oumph"_

_The stinging sensation at the back of his head began to dissipate and SA3466996 watched as his boss looked him over. A tiny smile appeared on the boss's face and then vanished as he turned to walk back to his desk. _

_SA3466996 smoothed the hair at the back of his head and after a brief hesitation spoke. "Merry Christmas to you too boss!" he grinned._

_He could have sworn he saw a brief reappearance of that tiny smile on his boss's face._

"_Back to work SA3466996!"_


End file.
